WARNING:
The following post and it's friend before it were written 2.5 years before the next installments. In May 2009 when I first got the idea in my head to write a blog I worked in full time ministy, which I LOVED. Sadly, being a spirtiual leader type gave me the idea that if I were to have anything worth while to write, I'd need to have all the answers to everything. Not exhausting at all.
I guess blogging just wasn't for me at that time, because that's really not what blogging is about. Blogging is a community of people, each with more questions than answers and that's why it works. We share, learn, laugh and grow together. At the time I didn't really get this, I therefore became discouraged with blogging and gave up on the gig.
Two years on, Jesus is more important in my life than ever, despite the fact I no longer have a fancy title like Young Adults Pastor. I'm more in love with Him today than I've ever been in my life, which is something I plan to say every day for the rest of my life. I'm still a serving member of my church. I'm still thriving in my faith.
Jesus is my all, He's the best I've got.
It's been an interesting journey going from a firm, uncompromising belief I would always work for the church, to a complete absence of direction in life. I've been two years now in the asking of epic questions, like "Who am I?" and "What the heck am I going to do with the rest of my life?".
Wanna know a secret? I honestly don't have a clue!!! It really freaks me out
This is what I think that I might possibly know: It's ok to not know, as long as I keep trusting, keep loving people, and keep following my dreams.
This next one is something I truly do know: My past is over but it's never going away. This is why I decided against deleting the earlier posts, which time has grown me to find annoying, preachy and kinda prattish. Funny how maturity reveals itself in the acceptance of how far there is to go, as opposed to a proving of how far we've come.
"How can I describe my emotions at this catastrophe, or how delineate the wretch whom with such infinite pains and care I had endeavoured to form?" Victor Fankenstein reflecting upon his hideous creation somewhat portrays how I feel about these earlier posts.
So, despite the cringe-factor I feel upon reading them, the earlier posts stay, cause part of me being ok with not having all the answers is being reminded of how insufferable I can be when I think I do. Plus, not all is waste, there's some good thoughts in there....and as we learnt from Dr Frankenstein, it doesn't pay to lock your hideous creations in Bavarian towers in the hopes they extinguish themselves, lest they instead gain freedom and we then be set upon by their murderous rampage as they snuff out the lives of all our nearest and dearest. Just saying. Example. Set.
Friend, read on if you will, but be forewarned that a preaching to is what you'll get for your efforts.
J xxxo
For the Joie de Virve set before me…
Between disengaging from Sylar as Spock, Chopper as Nero, Spock as Spock, the Rohan Rider guy as Dr Bones, and the expectation of Mamma Spock to start patching together a Vulcanese quilt, I managed to find the new Star Trek movie incredibly enjoyable. What particularly grabbed my attention was the genesis of Kirk and his refusal to believe in no-win scenarios. Despite spending at least two thirds of the movie on the receiving end of a hide handing, Kirk doggedly stuck to his "I don't believe in no-win scenarios" mantra.
It surprised me to see Kirk beaten at anything, he was the Chuck Norris of his time. One kick from his space boots could propel any enemy into deep space. He could annihilate a battalion of armed aliens with one punch and bag the green chick with one sultry glance. But this was the genesis of Captain Kirk, the formative years of his dominance in...well in everything really. The writers aimed to show that Kirk was not always unbeatable, but rather that through his disbelief in no-win scenarios he became a man who always won. Kirk endured every beating, every impossible situation and every red alien with a whole lot of freaky for it's mouth, he endured it all without quitting and won.
Unfortunately no one writes our lives with a paying audience in mind, so there's no guarantee for us that everything will work out. There is however faith. I don't know your problems, but I do know mine. I know what it is to think something is impossible, someone is unforgivable, a situation is unchangeable or that I myself am not capable and so maybe i do know your problems. Because at it's core, I've found these issues are the real problem in every problem and once addressed will bring about the real solution. If I Endure. If I don't give up. If I action change in my life and remember that the best is yet to come.
Faith says nothing is impossible with God. Faith enables me to endure because I can see what is ahead and I know that if I can just face this and conquer it, then life will be sweeter. Faith reminds me life deserves to be loved, so faith turns me to God for the wisdom, strength and purpose I need to overcome.
At perhaps the 30th lash Jesus thought "Enough! I quit. No more!", or maybe it was as they buried thorns in His scalp, possibly it wasn't until His entire weight was hanging upon His pierced hands and He knew that the pain He was suffering was nothing compared to the guilt of our sin which He was about to receive. But Hebrews tells us "for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross." We were His joy. Relationship with us was what kept Him from quitting and enabled Him to endure. Jesus didn't believe in no-win scenarios. He endured the cross, then conquered death.
So today, I believe that the best is yet to come. Today I put my faith in my God who endured. Today, I choose to face my problems and not quit until I overcome. Today for Joie de Virve or the love of life, I endure.
